ack most stressful weekend since I finished work. Delilah (my laptop) died again!!! came up with some messahe NRTLD (or something like that) missing!!! luckily the brother fixed it by inserting his universal windows disc.
So today I go to load up my sims 2 apartment life and i do all I’ve been told but it doesnt work, so after hours of stressing and tears I find out the problem is me…I forgot to replace the original crack with the new crack….nobody told me I had to do that. Well it all works now. so yayaness. I did lose my neighbourhood and family but luckily I knew how to sort that. grrr stress is soooooooo not cool.
Kinda feel bad for Darrly as he was getting the brunt of my stress but like Carina (my flatmate) said its his job teehee.

Uni is going wonderfully atm, I absolutly love the year this year I mean for media I get to learn about video games and facebook who else learns about them?

only 12 more sleeps until I see my tortoise, I have missed him very much lots but yays soon!!! soon!!!

love and hugs
xx

Standing on a cliff. Waiting to jump with you. But you’re not around. It’s just me. On my own. All Alone. And its Cold, so very cold.

I’m alone

I feel like I’ve lost something. And in a way I have. I’ve lost my boyfriend but I still have my best friend. Although it’ll take a while before the best comes before the friend.
Break ups are always hard even when they were mutual like this one. It probably makes it harder. Is it the right decision? I dont know. It hurts like lots. A dull aching numbing pain where I can’t seem to stick with something for more than five minutes. I want to get lost in time but I can’t. I want to disappear and only appear when this pain has subdued but I can’t. I have to live through this. And it’s possibly one of the hardest things I have to live through.
I miss him
soooooo much

I AM SO UNBELIEVABLY PISSED AND STRESSED YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE IT. I HAVE TO FUCKING SUFFER 7 DAYS IN A ROW OF WORK WITHOUT A FUCKING DAY OFF AND PEOPLE WANT ME TO CALM DOWN AND THINK ABOUT THE MONEY. WHY AM I THE ONE BEING GIVEN ALL THESE FUCKING HOURS. WHY CANT SOMEONE ELSE BE GIVEN THEM. IM SO INBELIEVABLY PISSED OFF ITS SO FUCKING UNREAL AND NOBODY FUCKING UNDERSTANDS EITHER.
“OH WORK IS TRYING”
“THINK OF THE MONEY”
“DONT BE SELFISH”
“I’VE DONE IT BEFORE” HOW FUCKING GOOD FOR YOU
HOW ABOUT YOU TAKE MY FUCKING SIDE AND UNDERSTAND WHAT IM FUCKING GOING THROUGH WITHOUT MAKING ME THE FUCKING ENEMY WANKERS
IF I HAVE TO FUCKING SUFFER THIS THEN EVERYONE ELSE SHOULD FUCKING SUFFER IT TOO. I KNOW ITS NOT THEIR FAULT THAT MY HOURS ARE LIKE THIS BUT I DONT SEE HOW THEY CAN GET OFF SAYIN IM OVERREACTING WHEN ITS NOT THEM THAT HAS TO SPEND 9 HOURS A DAY ON THERE FEET 7 DAYS IN A ROW. WHEN THEY DO THAT THEN THEY’LL FUCKING UNDERSTAND AND I’LL LET THEM MAKE ME SUFFER UNTIL THEN THEY CAN FUCKING SUFFER

IHLR3hife HiE/HFLIP’9ER’R;khnfEgHPKDsapjK’DpasjL;Femp£qR

I know I know, people are suppose to spring clean, well I was at uni for spring so ner *sticks tongue out*
gosh
hehe
anyway yes, if anyone ventured into my room before I summer cleaned they will be mightly surprised at the dramatic change. Yup my bedroom has suddenly grown up. Its amazing. Its taken me so far 3 weeks to get to this stage (and it’s still not completed) it would have taken me less but I’ve been busy working and then busy enjoying my days off. I clean at work and don’t want to spend all my days off cleaning at home.
Darrly has helped lots this week. Thanks to him I now have no more rubbish underneath my bed AND I can close my underwear drawer.
I can’t wait for my friends to walk into this room and go OH MY GOD its changed….*big grin ever* it’s hard work is summer cleaning. I’ve been really harsh and have gone through about 40 black bags so far in stuff. I got rid of over 25 pairs of shoes!!!!!! I found a bloody Barbie Dream House on my shelf in my wardrobe.
I think my bedroom has enjoyed its summer clean. On Sunday the summer clean shall be completed and I shall have an entirely clean, grown up bedroom; a very happy Chelle and a very jealous Darrly because he can’t summer clean his room hehe
People’s must come see my grown up room and then come and splash in my super lovely swimming pool and just spend some awesome time with me really.

Chelle is indeed Happy, Chelle has found her balance within herself. Chelle doesn’t think that she’s drowing any more. Chelle is spending some quality time with herself, the sun, her pool and her book

She also misses her Darrly very much and doesn’t want to argue about the distance any more. The distance is a part of our relationship and nothing we do can change it. We’re strong we can find a way to make the distance not so big.

Chelle is going to see Mamma Mia tomorrow with her Mamma, she can nay wait

lol Chelle is indeed speaking in third person haha

Firstly I HATE PEOPLE AND FACEBOOK

because of people on facebook with their stupid threads and stupid exclusion I have now begun questioning my view on the people I call my closest friends. I havent felt invisible since year 10. The only people who can see me are my work friends and my boyfriend. The Group have made me feel invisible, have made me feel like nothing. And if any one of them read this they will be the first to call me a paranoid nutball and say its me ignoring them, not vice versa.

In my world it’s always my fault. I’m always the one ignoring people. I’m always the one not caring enough. I’m always the bad person.

My problem is I trust people too easily. Maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I should just accept that my closest friends are casting me out. Maybe I should accept I’ll always be the runt of everything.

Maybe my boyfriend should get used to me crying down the phone every night. Maybe he should get used to this helpless guilt he feels because his in portsmouth and cant hold me and wipe my tears away.
All this because I feel like my closest friends aren’t treating me with respect in fact aren’t treating me to anything because they are simply ignoring my existance.

Who gives a shit anyway?

eek I have butterflies in my tummy all because I have to drive to work soon. Well I dont have to drive but seeing as I dont finish until 11pm its much easier to drive home then get a train that late. And its not like I dont like driving its just frankly I’m scared about driving. Especially parking, ever since my accident on sunday I’ve been shit scared of parking but sadly I have to do that one. Stupid Vue carpark is closed so I have to park in carpark 10 =S and I hope that stays open gone 10:30pm otherwise I’ll be politely asking the security guards to let me go home. eek its gonna be sooooo busy at lakeside and in work. I hope I’m not put on concessions, I dont think I could manage serving people popcorn and hot dogs on a busy evening night, knowing my luck I’ll be on concessions grrr. Ah well, I do like the job and I like the money I’m getting hehe. Best go get ready for work and see if I can get rid of these butterflies.

I feel like I’m floating on a lovely fluffy pink cloud. I’m what I consider to be limbo. I’m enjoying my time with my boyfriend and on my own but I’m bored and need to start making money soon otherwise I’ll be counting the pennies from September to next summer, and I dont particularly want to do that.

This cloud I’m floating on only contains Darrly and I, no one else and therefore I’m being completely selfish over him and I dont care but I think he does mind. Its not clingyness its honeymoon period haha.

Someone hire me, I’m bored now

It annoys me slightly when people ask me if I’m okay repeatedly and when I repeatedly tell them that I am fine but I am just in my own little world. Can’t they understand that sometimes people just zone out from the world shared by everyone to the world that only includes them.

I like Chelle world its quite pink and on many occasions has made me a million times better with a situation.
It especially helps when I’m ill like now, I’m the poor sod that has managed to suffer with Glandular fever for 3 weeks before seeing a doctor about it. I’m getting better slowly. By getting better I’m sleeping again but food, well I have to force myself to eat otherwise I wouldn’t but I can’t keep doing that its giving me terrible pains in my stomach.

Anywho back to Chelle World